High School Nerds Arrested On First Day Of School After Getting Into Fight Over “Avengers” Movie

Black Widow

Who makes a better Black Widow? Scarlett Johansson, left, who was originally cast, or Eliza Dushku, right, who is depicted in this crude mock-up of what she would look like in the Black Widow costume? High school nerds Colin Cortes and Austin Waddell resorted to fisticuffs in attempt to resolve the issue.

Champaign, IL—Two Centennial High School seniors were arrested on their first day of the school year after starting a fight in the school cafeteria while discussing the summer blockbuster “Avengers.”

Colin Cortes and Austin Waddell, both 18, were arrested after Cortes assaulted Waddell with a cafeteria lunch tray, and Waddell attempted to punch Cortes “possibly somewhere near his ear,” according to the police report.

“It would have been funny, if it weren’t so sad,” said senior Jessica Beres. “Seeing these two geeks trying to hit each other. I think my friend Debbie got a good video of it with her phone. Check YouTube later.”

The situation had apparently been a tense one for years, according to the police report, ever since the second “Iron Man” film where Scarlett Johansson played the comic book character “Black Widow.” Cortes and Waddell had gotten into heated arguments often since then about “the controversial choice” of Johansson for the role.

The tension boiled over at lunch after Cortes “’finally had enough of (Wadell’s) s—‘ and hit Wadell in the side of the head with his lunch tray ‘after he said for the eight billionth time that Eliza Dushku’ should have gotten the Black Widow role,” the police report quoted Cortes as saying.

Classmate Lance Aaron, who is in the Engineering Club and National Honor Society with both Cortes and Waddell, saw the incident and said, “I mean, (Waddell’s) always had some pretty ridiculous notions about comic (book) character roles, but he really went overboard with this one. I totally get why Colin jumped him. Couple more minutes, and it would have been me who hit him with that lunch tray.”

“The two teenagers spent several minutes running and chasing after each other throughout the cafeteria, then made ‘girly-like’ attempts to throw fruit juice box containers and asthma inhalers at each other with sometimes comical effect,” the police report continued. “The incident came to its conclusion when both individuals ran into the school kitchen and were subdued by the head lunch lady.”

Charges are pending.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.