Facebook, The Internet Ruining The Joy, Dread Of Actual Reunions

Reunion 2012

Reunion traditionalists claim that the experience of a physical reunion can’t be recreated on Facebook. Anti-reunionists claim that the reunion of the future reduces an individuals carbon footprint significantly.

Chicago—This typically is the time of year when people are attending their high school reunion, but thanks to Facebook and other social networking sites, many companies that would be busy now helping plan and put on reunions are seeing a decidedly downward turn in business.

“Facebook is to the high school reunion business what Walmart is to mom and pop stores,” said Maggie Tabet, owner and founder of Reunite Us, the nation’s third-largest reunion organization company. “They’re insidious. Insidious. I can only imagine that Mark Zuckerberg and his gang have no interest in going to their high school reunions, but if they did, we can help organize them. Those jerks.”

Tabet said that the way people view reunions has changed in recent years, thanks to the internet. “People just have it in their heads that they can connect to classmates they haven’t seen in 15 or 25 years on Facebook, and that that’s the same as spending hundreds of dollars to travel back to their hometown and face people they couldn’t stand in high school. But it’s not the same. It’s not. You simply can’t duplicate the anxiety of dreading interacting with an ex-boyfriend or (ex-)girlfriend or facing your high school bully while sitting in the comfort of your home or office.”

Tabet said that’s the whole experience of going to your reunion. Picking and choosing who they want to be connected to on a social network robs people of the satisfaction they’d get of dealing with the people that tormented them during their formative years

“It’s so satisfying to be able to stick it to somebody in person that you’re a successful entrepreneur and business owner,” Tabet said. “And you simply can’t do that when the snotty little bitch won’t accept your friend request on Facebook, but happily and eagerly accepts the friend request of the boy she snatched from you at Homecoming junior year. Whore.”

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