Man’s Attempts To Learn Esperanto To Impress Female Co-Worker Not Progressing Like He’d Hoped

Dick Davis:  Creep Co-worker

Dick Davis hopes that one day he finds enough courage and learns enough Esperanto to say, "Saluton."

Milwaukee,WI—Hoping not to come off as totally creepy, software developer Dick Davis has been studying Esperanto for the last year trying to impress his co-worker, on whom he said he has a “totally life-altering crush.”

But the results haven’t been exactly what he’d hoped for in his studies.

“No, I don’t know. I overheard her in the restroom 18 months ago saying to her friend that she was really into guys who speak more than one language,”Davis said, making sure his co-worker wasn’t within earshot. “I didn’t want to just be the guy who spoke French or Italian, like any schmo. I thought she’d be impressed if I learned something different, and I really thought Esperanto was the best option. Plus, I figured it’d be easy, but it’s a lot damn harder than it looks.”

Davis said he’s tried sprinkling common conversational Esperanto phrases in while chatting with his co-worker, but she seemed like she didn’t hear him. He said he’s almost certain he’s saying the phrases accurately, too.

Davis said this scheme worked out nearly as badly as the eight months he spent learning how to come up with the day of the week for a given date in his head. “I really thought that would impress her,”Davis said. “I found this formula online, and would spend hours and hours going over dates in my head, and I got pretty good at it, but it still wouldn’t come to me as quick as that guy in that Steve Martin book. That dude took no time at all, but I still had to process the year and the month and the formula and I kept getting the corresponding numbers for June and September confused.”

But Davis said he hasn’t given up all hope. “I did hear her this morning in her car with the windows up on her cell phone to her brother Chris in Chicago saying she’d just bought the last ‘Harry Potter’ movie on Blu-Ray. Maybe I’ll show her my Griffyndor robes and Firebolt broomstick, or take a crack at learning Parseltongue. This changes everything!”

We hear wedding bells, Dick. Bonan ŝancon!

4 thoughts on “Man’s Attempts To Learn Esperanto To Impress Female Co-Worker Not Progressing Like He’d Hoped

  1. Even if I don’t believe that knowing Esperanto would impress any girlfriend, Esperanto is not as difficult as this article implies. It could be much more interesting if you can convince her to study the language together. If you put some effort to learning, 20 – 30 hours should be enough to know the basics, and a total of 100 hours should give some fluency.

    Yes, some parts could look difficult. But they are much easier that when you are learning any other language. Just remember that all the languages are different and you have to learn new concepts, and a different way to handle sentences. But, in any case, in Esperanto is easier.

    You can try or many other sites available online. But go for sites that teach only Esperanto. Commercial sites that pretend to teach many languages, don’t know what Esperanto really is. Some of these sites offer help from other students, that also aren’t that familiar with Esperanto.

    • I think article is a complete work of fiction, right? If he’s been in the office for over a year with her and she hasn’t dated him yet, he’s in for a big disappointment. If she’s one of these ‘impress me’ chicks, I would work on taking over the boss’s job.

      • Thank you for your comment. “Fiction” is one word for this piece. “Work” is probably less accurate.
        You are now informed. Go and do likewise.

    • Thank you for your comment. Your suggestion that they study Esperanto together is a wonderful idea, perhaps if he can muster up the courage to speak to her face to face, in any language, he can go that route. Maybe. But we aren’t holding our breath.
      You are now informed. Go and do likewise.

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