Milwaukee,WI—Hoping not to come off as totally creepy, software developer Dick Davis has been studying Esperanto for the last year trying to impress his co-worker, on whom he said he has a “totally life-altering crush.”
But the results haven’t been exactly what he’d hoped for in his studies.
“No, I don’t know. I overheard her in the restroom 18 months ago saying to her friend that she was really into guys who speak more than one language,”Davis said, making sure his co-worker wasn’t within earshot. “I didn’t want to just be the guy who spoke French or Italian, like any schmo. I thought she’d be impressed if I learned something different, and I really thought Esperanto was the best option. Plus, I figured it’d be easy, but it’s a lot damn harder than it looks.”
Davis said he’s tried sprinkling common conversational Esperanto phrases in while chatting with his co-worker, but she seemed like she didn’t hear him. He said he’s almost certain he’s saying the phrases accurately, too.
Davis said this scheme worked out nearly as badly as the eight months he spent learning how to come up with the day of the week for a given date in his head. “I really thought that would impress her,”Davis said. “I found this formula online, and would spend hours and hours going over dates in my head, and I got pretty good at it, but it still wouldn’t come to me as quick as that guy in that Steve Martin book. That dude took no time at all, but I still had to process the year and the month and the formula and I kept getting the corresponding numbers for June and September confused.”
But Davis said he hasn’t given up all hope. “I did hear her this morning in her car with the windows up on her cell phone to her brother Chris in Chicago saying she’d just bought the last ‘Harry Potter’ movie on Blu-Ray. Maybe I’ll show her my Griffyndor robes and Firebolt broomstick, or take a crack at learning Parseltongue. This changes everything!”
We hear wedding bells, Dick. Bonan ŝancon!