Protesters Gaining Press Coverage Despite Having Incomprehensible Cause


Government officials say that protests should be isolated and go away in mere days, as shown in this animation that predicts protester activity over the next year.

New York—The Angry ‘Bout Stuff protests were scheduled to continue over the weekend as the vague grassroots movement continues to grow, spread to other cities and somehow even grab the attention of the president, though he’s not sure how he’s supposed to respond.

President Barack Obama said yesterday that the demonstrators are giving a voice to those frustrated with stuff around the country as protests sprang up in more than a dozen American cities, though their cause would likely benefit greatly if they had a more concise message.

Vice President Joe Biden also felt the need to weigh in, rambling on and on before making a broken comparison between the protesters and fans of the Nickelodeon program, “iCarly.”
“What is the core of that protest? And why is it increasing in terms of the people it’s attracting?” Biden asked rhetorically(?). “The core is the bargain has been breached by the characters on ‘iCarly’ and the American people.”

The movement has drawn commentary from liberal and radical conservatives, who have said there is something fundamentally wrong with stuff all over the country.
Friday marked the 21st day of Angry ‘Bout Stuff protests, a series of demonstrations against a list of often loosely defined social ills.

It is believed that the movement started in New York, where some of the protests were marred by scuffles with police.

“We hope that our message continues to resonate with everyone who has felt disenfranchised by the current state of our country,” said Taylor Nemic, a self-appointed spokesman for the Angry ‘Bout Stuff group.

He said they plan to “continue the protest until the message reaches every house in the United States,” though the specifics of exactly what that message is remain largely unclear.
There were similar gatherings with no real purpose in downtown Philadelphia near City Hall and the Texas cities of San Antonio, Austin, Houston and Dallas. More protests cropped up in Portland, Oregon; San Francisco, Seattle and Tampa, Florida. People in those cities have said for days that they, too, are angry about stuff, and “The Man” needs to know about it.

Like-minded university students staged walkouts a day before on college campuses such as North Carolina State University and Florida Atlantic University in Boca Raton, FL.

More demonstrations took place Thursday in Jersey City, New Jersey, and Los Angeles, where police said 10 people were arrested for trespassing on property owned by Simon Cowell.

A few dozen protesters nearby who were set to demonstrate against wars in Iraq and Afghanistan also echoed the voices of protesters in other cities, even bringing their rally to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce building, since they figured that would be the best place to congregate, what “with the bitchen smoothie place next door.”

Social media sites such as Twitter appeared to be spurring similar protests elsewhere, though in vastly smaller numbers than those in New York. That includes dozens who gathered in Hartford, Connecticut; and Savannah, Georgia, hoping to stand around and shout…stuff.

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