Rochester, NY—The Eastman Kodak Company has announced they are moving closer to technology that make still pictures move. Similar to photographs seen in the “Harry Potter” series of films, these new photographs will move, revolutionizing the photo industry.
“Similar to how we now look at old black and white photos and Polaroids, we expect regular still photos to soon be just antiques,” said Kodak spokesman Lloyd Swaggerty.
The problem is, Swaggerty said, somehow word on their work leaked, and movie director and film technology maverick James Cameron jumped on board the research about six months ago, “and he’s been unbearable. Simply unbearable.”
Swaggerty said Cameron has invested several million dollars of his own money in the project, but he’s a bit too hands-on.
“He figures he’s put in a bunch of cash, he can lead the charge,” Swaggerty said. “I get that he has a vested interest, but I really wish he’d stop telling everybody about how he did things on ‘Avatar’ and ‘Titanic.’ We get it. He made films that did well at the box office. We know. And please, stop referring to the date as June first, Two Post ‘Avatar.’”
Swaggerty said he’s spoken to other people who’ve worked with Cameron in the past, and was told that for about ten years after he won an Oscar for “Titanic,” he would refer to whatever the current year was as “Post ‘Titanic’ this” and “Post ‘Titanic’ that.”
“It’s quite tedious,” Swaggerty said. “Odds are good we’d have reached our goal several months ago and started shipping this product sooner without Mr. Cameron’s, uh, unique contributions.”
Swaggerty said Cameron has also gone around to the women on the team asking them if they’d like him to draw them wearing the “Heart of the Ocean” necklace made famous in “Titanic.”
“He’s kind of a creep,” Swaggerty said. “He told the women he’d draw them and let them wear the necklace, but they’d have to recreate exactly the famous ‘Titanic’ scene where Jack draws Rose wearing it. Gross.”